everlast ☯ Twitter ☯ ☯ Instagram ☯ ☯ Dayre ☯ ☯ Ask.fm ☯ ☯ Nicolette ☯ August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 February 2012 March 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 January 2015 April 2015	Friday, July 25, 2014 one eight !!!!!!i made it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  but i haven't been doing so well Sunday, July 13, 2014 haven't felt it in so long that it felt slightly foreign when it came. but i was excited, i was happy, i was satisfied. and now i am determined to make it come around more. it will no longer be a mere visitor, but rather a resident once again. Friday, July 4, 2014 i am low my friend "i am lost right now as the ocean deep" it doesn't make sense how certain things bother me so much. it's like they embed themselves into my brain and cannot be rid off. unfortunately, just like how my hands are constantly itching to touch my hair, my conscious mind is just itching to bring these things to light. but honestly these things are better off lurking in the shadows.. at least the conscious mind turns off when you go to sleep. just barely coping with all the ed thoughts the past week - think extreme guilt after meals/ridiculously freaking out after body checking etc.  i can't understand why the trigger keeps going off/goes off so easily again it's ridiculous????? see the spine of a girl, then proceed to feel like shit because 1. why the fuck is she not called out? 2. she has something that was taken away from me. observe how certain familiar faces shed some pounds, then proceed to feel like shit because 1. why does she get to do that? 2. she has something that was taken away from me. basically, it still feels like the thing i found comfort in/that acted as a safety blanket/i held so dear was taken away from me. it feels like i have nothing to fall back on. no reserve parachute, no harness attached, no safety net below.  "please tell me i am not undone" - haven't felt it in so long, but maybe i'm not/never will be what you want. i can't be like her, both physically and mentally. i really need you here, so please leave. please leave because you don't need any additional baggage. please leave because i feel so fucking helpless when i make you upset. please leave because all i am to you, is water in your lungs.