full speed ahead

everlast

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August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 February 2012 March 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 January 2015 April 2015

Thursday, June 26, 2014

losing everything except for the one thing i actually want to lose.

but then again, you deserve better, she deserves better, they all deserve better.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

so sick of weight gain

so sick of eating

so sick of the lows after the highs

so sick of all of it

out of all the fucking anorexic girls out there why the fuck did i have to be called out? why the fuck was i one of those who were threatened into recovery? why the fuck????????????????????? every other person, of the same sex especially, isn't eating enough so why the fuck was i called out? i don't want to do this anymore it's not fair at all.

i don't know

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

who was i kidding

ahahahaha everybody's getting thinner/smaller while here i am getting thicker/bigger

everybody's losing weight while here i am gaining weight

ahahahahahhahahahahahahaha

so fucking easy for everybody to encourage the weight gain so fucking easy

...thanks (for nothing)

at least everybody else can feel better about themselves when they look at me now : )))

yanni is not so useless after-all!!!!!!!

ahahahahaha

Monday, June 16, 2014

keep up

three months in, timeless change

i feel like i've gone through a second round of puberty over the past three months (haha lol). both physical puberty and errrrrrr.. mental puberty i guess. it feels good to be able to buy clothes from most clothing stores now, without having to spend extra cash altering them. and also not feeling cold in thirty-something-degree weather.. but mainly the clothing part.. my wardrobe has definitely been fattened up recently hehe.

it's ridiculous how i was fighting for more freedom and independence from my parents but yet i was forcing myself to return to pre-pubescent bitch stage. i mean what was i expecting? look like a child, act like a child, get treated like a child. so basically i was fighting myself and boyyyyyyy is it tiring to do so. most of the time you don't realise that you are in your own way, and we end up pushing the blame to others and idk it's just very, very, very stupid and irrational...

so it was father's day and i might not listen to my dad most of the time because both of us are stubborn as fuck, but i'm glad he continued with his rambling because something he said made so much sense to me, and means more than eggs do to me now. my father didn't say "don't you worry child" but he did say "part of growing up is recognising what matters, and what doesn't." throughout the past three months, the line separating what i should actually focus on and what shouldn't be bothered about has been getting clearer. some times the things switch sides and go across the line but most of the time things do get back in order and all is well. honestly life does seem more... like a life when you actually identify what's important and what isn't. you realise how idiotic you have been, wasting time and effort on irrelevant things for e.g. measurements, weight, numbers in general. then you realise how selfish you have been towards the people around you, and you wake the fuck up. you might laze in bed for awhile, but eventually you do get up, and you feel fresh to death and ready to take on the challenge of deciding which cereal to eat for breakfast... thank you dad.

"because life begins at the end of your comfort zone"

Sunday, June 8, 2014

i never expected you to love me

i never expected myself to love you

but now i never want to lose you

rough/tough

every single one of us have something/some things that we keep within us, whether we like it or not, good or bad. we feed it and watch it grow, and grow, and grow; taking up more room within us, until it becomes impossible to conceal. that's when shit hits the fan. that's when you know the time for you to cut it off has come. so you do. but sometimes that thing is rooted so deeply into you that it can't actually be severed off. the reality is that it's stuck to you (think: male facial hair lol). and if/when it makes a comeback, round two is going to hit you harder than ever.


everlast ☯ Twitter ☯ ☯ Instagram ☯ ☯ Dayre ☯ ☯ Ask.fm ☯ ☯ Nicolette ☯ August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 February 2012 March 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 January 2015 April 2015	Thursday, June 26, 2014 losing everything except for the one thing i actually want to lose. but then again, you deserve better, she deserves better, they all deserve better. Thursday, June 19, 2014 so sick of weight gain so sick of eating so sick of the lows after the highs so sick of all of it out of all the fucking anorexic girls out there why the fuck did i have to be called out? why the fuck was i one of those who were threatened into recovery? why the fuck????????????????????? every other person, of the same sex especially, isn't eating enough so why the fuck was i called out? i don't want to do this anymore it's not fair at all. i don't know Tuesday, June 17, 2014 who was i kidding ahahahaha everybody's getting thinner/smaller while here i am getting thicker/bigger everybody's losing weight while here i am gaining weight ahahahahahhahahahahahahaha so fucking easy for everybody to encourage the weight gain so fucking easy ...thanks (for nothing) at least everybody else can feel better about themselves when they look at me now : ))) yanni is not so useless after-all!!!!!!! ahahahahaha Monday, June 16, 2014 keep up three months in, timeless change i feel like i've gone through a second round of puberty over the past three months (haha lol). both physical puberty and errrrrrr.. mental puberty i guess. it feels good to be able to buy clothes from most clothing stores now, without having to spend extra cash altering them. and also not feeling cold in thirty-something-degree weather.. but mainly the clothing part.. my wardrobe has definitely been fattened up recently hehe. it's ridiculous how i was fighting for more freedom and independence from my parents but yet i was forcing myself to return to pre-pubescent bitch stage. i mean what was i expecting? look like a child, act like a child, get treated like a child. so basically i was fighting myself and boyyyyyyy is it tiring to do so. most of the time you don't realise that you are in your own way, and we end up pushing the blame to others and idk it's just very, very, very stupid and irrational... so it was father's day and i might not listen to my dad most of the time because both of us are stubborn as fuck, but i'm glad he continued with his rambling because something he said made so much sense to me, and means more than eggs do to me now. my father didn't say "don't you worry child" but he did say "part of growing up is recognising what matters, and what doesn't." throughout the past three months, the line separating what i should actually focus on and what shouldn't be bothered about has been getting clearer. some times the things switch sides and go across the line but most of the time things do get back in order and all is well. honestly life does seem more... like a life when you actually identify what's important and what isn't. you realise how idiotic you have been, wasting time and effort on irrelevant things for e.g. measurements, weight, numbers in general. then you realise how selfish you have been towards the people around you, and you wake the fuck up. you might laze in bed for awhile, but eventually you do get up, and you feel fresh to death and ready to take on the challenge of deciding which cereal to eat for breakfast... thank you dad. *"because life begins at the end of your comfort zone"* Sunday, June 8, 2014 i never expected you to love me i never expected myself to love you but now i never want to lose you rough/tough every single one of us have something/some things that we keep within us, whether we like it or not, good or bad. we feed it and watch it grow, and grow, and grow; taking up more room within us, until it becomes impossible to conceal. that's when shit hits the fan. that's when you know the time for you to cut it off has come. so you do. but sometimes that thing is rooted so deeply into you that it can't actually be severed off. the reality is that it's stuck to you (think: male facial hair lol). and if/when it makes a comeback, round two is going to hit you harder than ever.