everlast ☯ Twitter ☯ ☯ Instagram ☯ ☯ Dayre ☯ ☯ Ask.fm ☯ ☯ Nicolette ☯ August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 February 2012 March 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 January 2015 April 2015	Sunday, March 23, 2014 tough ...one more person to not let down as of last night/this morning. i was just thinking, who am i doing this for? this whole recovery process thing... do i really want it, or do i really want the people who are supportive to think i want it? because if the latter is the case then i don't think all this discomfort is worth the following relapse (once again). yes, i never actually managed to go through remission because let's be real -- self-acceptance is more difficult to achieve than a 4.1 GPA, and self-love is more difficult to carry out than having to consume any food that has been drowned to a golden colour in heated oil. all i can say is that this time i really am trying harder. on good days/at good moments i am able to tell myself and recognise that i was/will return to literally living like a lao-hong box of cornflakes.. no crunch to it at all... (lol); but on bad days/after the good moments i'll be like oh but i like my fries soggy/i like my oreos after they've been drenched in milk. it is fucking frustrating how quick the transition is and just what the fuck???!!!?!??!?!?!??!!?!?! why is it that the bad always catches up so quickly but yet the good has to be built-up over time???  // i dove headfirst into this shot of recovery and i really hope my head does not hit the bottom.