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Saturday, April 27, 2013
punish




I hate how days always start off so well, then nearing the end of the day I just crack and give in to temptation and let the whole day's efforts go down the drain. I need the discipline I had last year back ASAP, before it goes back to square one. This is more than a rat race to me, and I refuse to to lose to anyone, especially them. Attention Yanni: please get your shit together.

Saturday, April 20, 2013
new


It's been a really long time since I've said this, but THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY. After around 6 months of holiday, school's back and I can't decide whether it's a good or bad thing just yet. The first week has past and so far I've been really neutral about everything - not loving, but also not hating. Honestly it's pretty overwhelming, how new things are coming my way so suddenly. In a (pretty) short span of one week I've: met new people, had to get used to a new environment, had to get used to new methods of learning, got a new phone, etc. etc. 

 Out with the old, in with the new? Not really. Which is both good and bad. I am eighty percent sure there are many new problems and challenges that I will face, and I'm not sure if I can take them head on when the old ones are still stuck with me. Things WILL eventually enumerate and when they do, I'm not confident that I'll be able to juggle/bear everything together. To drama a bit, I'm afraid that I'll suffocate under the big snowball of bad things that is growing/will constantly grow. I really do want to get rid of the present problems before new ones begin to sprout, but I don't know how to. I guess I'll have to build my own furniture instead of just being a customer at IKEA.

Friday, April 12, 2013
eat


I am constantly descending but yet the numbers that somehow represent me are constantly going up. Funny.

Monday, April 8, 2013
damned



“I’m so good at beginnings, but in the end I always seem to destroy everything, including myself.”                                                                

                                                                                              —  Kiera Van Gelder



 This obsession has spiralled out of control. The brake lights are failing and this vehicle is swerving off the highway, and there is nothing I can/want to do to salvage this situation. It feels like I bought a one-way ticket to wherever this problem I created is bringing me. But what I feel is not helplessness - that's hardly bothering me. What's bothering me is how the finishing line in my point of view is the point of no return. The fact that I'm clearly aware of what's happening but still allowing this problem to chase me relentlessly is what scares me. Keeping this up could be dangerous but somehow I can't help but find comfort in discomfort.


Thursday, April 4, 2013
i tried


It isn't easy, but when you finally get past the barrier that you have, things do seem brighter. Opening up is honestly one of the hardest things to do. We often hold back so much of what we want to say and so much is always left unsaid. What will stop this? Is it courage? Is it faith? Is it really so simple?