everlast ☯ Twitter ☯ ☯ Instagram ☯ ☯ Dayre ☯ ☯ Ask.fm ☯ ☯ Nicolette ☯ August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 February 2012 March 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 January 2015 April 2015	Sunday, March 31, 2013 of eggs, bunnies and redemption *obligatory bunny picture for easter* Happy easter day! Went to church today as usual and someone came up to me and told me he was praying for me. By right, I should genuinely be thankful for people bothering to keep me in their prayers or something. But when it comes to religion, I have to admit 'by right' doesn't cut it for me and I have to go 'by left'. So instead of feeling glad about being prayed for and feeling blessed and shit, all I could think about was how I'm not worth/ in need of their 'words of faith'. Or a faith for that matter. I'm not badmouthing christianity or any other religion, but I'm just saying that I can't bring myself to dedicate so much to something that is so uncertain; nothing was/ is set in stone, and I don't think I want more bleakness in my life. Then why bother going to church? Simply because if I don't, it will bring add another layer of unhappiness to the already pretty thick stack of negative feelings I have caused my parents to feel. Hence if this layer isn't necessary, I'm unwilling to add it into that stack. I swear I'm trying to buck up at being a less shit person. But it's not exactly easy. love how two of them are perfoming such contradicting actions On another note, Jelly hearts (reduced guilt version) Juno Sleep (or a lack of) Mario Party 9 Nuts To vaguely sum up Friday and Saturday I guess. Heh. Friday, March 29, 2013 for crying out loud Today has been a good but bad day. It could've been a completely good day, but once again temptation is the victor and I am the loser. I'm so sick of constantly being trampled over by temptation, so sick of the bitter taste of defeat, so sick of this overwhelming sense of guilt. It's a fucking vicious cycle and it has to stop. It's just vile and disgusting, how I give in so easily despite knowing clearly how harmful it is. I absolutely hate it, detest it, and desperately need learn to rebuke it; but as usual, it's easier said than done. Contrary to popular belief, effort does not always equal to reward and you simply do not always reap what you sow.  I know I should be grateful for everything that I have, but sometimes I can't help feeling that life is constantly giving me lemons and I never seem to be able to make lemonade. Thursday, March 28, 2013 new Got my Macbook on Tuesday, and what's one thing you do when you get a new Macbook? Das right, you abuse Photobooth!! Also, mom spoilt me by getting me a lovely laptop jacket from MBMJ in Hong Kong. So guilty about this. :'( fak Sniff sniff I like pyjamas   Oh glorious Photobooth. Went to play L4D2 on Tuesday after 387438593475475 years, had some virtual fun shooting zombies and doing all that gangsta shit; even though I was pretty bad at it oops. I've missed you, L4D2. Sunday, March 24, 2013 killjoy You know what feeling extremely horrible means? It means feeling horrible about something, then not having your apology being accepted by someone you care about. Following that, realising that you're completely disposable and that whatever you say is of no substance to that person. Which basically makes you a piece of shit.  Round of applause please, ladies and gentlemen.  Thursday, March 21, 2013 The trees have more colour in their lives than I do in mine. Wednesday, March 20, 2013 cut Best buns EVER ^^ hidden portion                                         I don’t know where I’ve been for these past few months/                                                                I can’t believe that I got this low/                                                   I’ve been preaching ‘keep your head up kid’/                                                When all along I’ve had mine buried in the sand So many times I ask/tell myself what are you so scared of? But it's always of no use. I'm constantly held back by myself, by the paranoia supplied by the endless possibilities and what ifs. I want to be able to liberate myself from this safety belt of mine, otherwise known as keeping quiet and not saying anything. It's not fair how some people are truly unafraid and how they don't have safety barriers that hold them back. It's less of needing someone to listen to me, and more of needing the courage to open up. I don't want to be an open book, I just want to be able to tell a story. My story.  Nothing comes easy, including courage. Sunday, March 10, 2013 Really, really bad weekend. Three straight days of losing this game and I am an absolute sore loser. I want to be victorious. I want to be indelible. I want to win. I want to triumph over temptation. But very honestly, I know I only want to win the battle and not the war. Because winning the war would mean losing everything I've been "working"  for. We wouldn't want that now, would we?  Saturday, March 9, 2013 “You’re alive. That means you have infinite potential. You can do anything, make anything, dream anything. If you change the world, the world will change.” — Neil Gaiman Restricting is a game and I'm fucking losing. Monday, March 4, 2013 Day one So it begins.